What has me occupied today is how easy it is to lose yourself. One wrong person in your life, usually as your boyfriend or just a friend. Or you get caught up with the wrong crowd. It can also be a job or a particular period in a job that’s otherwise ok. A prolonged illness, or if impactful enough, one particular event. It can even be one conversation that derails you. The fragility of our identity and connection with self has me both scared and fascinated.
There are ways in which we can strengthen who we are, what our identity is and means to us, but it’s surprising how much work that takes. I find that at the end of it all, how happy we are with ourselves and how enjoyable we have managed to make our lives and the habits that make us who we are, will determine our fate when we are faced with whatever comes to take or confuse our self-identity.
To not be easy prey for anything that tried to persuade you to give up who you are to act as their desires command, there a few things that can protect you. I’ve neatly summarised them in a list of five helpful points.
- Have a goal for your best self
In order to have direction in life, you need to know what you want for yourself. What does your best self look like? Is she fit? How does she dress? What does her hair look like? What would you look like, if you achieved your best-self and would feel instantly happy when you say yourself? Take note that this is as much inner work as it is outer work. Unless you heal what’s inside, the external won’t make you feel better.
- Be present and befriend hard work
As I’ve said before and will continue to repeat, because it bares repeating, living on autopilot is dangerous. In order to not lose yourself so easily, you have to pay attention to what’s going on in your life. To achieve a feeling of content, you also have to get used to working towards your best self. That will give you a feeling of moving forward and as you start to see more and more results, your self-identity will not only become much clearer to you, but you will strengthen your relationship with yourself.
- Move daily
Daily exercise, in any form you like, help connect you to your body. The goal is to get out of your head and into your body. Exercise helps clear your mind and is a way to stay on track with being present.
- Read a lot
Reading offers you an escape from the world that is beneficial, as opposed to mindless scrolling or other unhelpful habits. But it does more than that, it gives your mind material to process that isn’t increasing any catastrophising you might have fallen into about your life. It also helps you process your ideas and opinions about certain topics (as I have done in one of my previous blog posts on Danielle Steel’s Worthy Opponents).
- Have a home
By ‘have a home’ I mean have somewhere you go to feel safe. Everyone needs a safe harbour to park and breathe. For many people this is their actual home, their family, but if that’s not something that’s possible for you, try to find a space or activity that makes you feel like that. If you’re choosing other people as your ‘home’, be careful not to fall for the manipulations of an abuser. The best thing to do, if there aren’t people in your life who are your home, is to get an animal and let it be your family.
Angelofmichelangelo 